Proverbs 25:15

Proverbs 25:15 "By long forbearance and calmness of spirit a judge or ruler is persuaded, and soft speech breaks down the most bonelike resistance."

Forbearance means patient self-control and restraint. It also means that you basically refrain from the idea of "payback." This verse says you can persuade a ruler or judge if you have these character traits. The very nature of the word forbearance suggests that you will be in situations where you want to lose control, but then you do not. And that this will persuade a judge or ruler in your favor.

The verse goes on to say that "soft speech breaks down the most bonelike resistance." Wow. Anyone with a toddler, or child for that matter, has experienced "bonelike resistance." Ha ha I once prayed for Elisha and I asked God to give me something to hold onto to help me in raising him, something to help me understand him more. He gave me a picture of a Chinese fighting fish. You know, they are just beautiful, like Elisha. But that wasn't the reason God showed that to me. He knew that I knew that these fish are fine when they are left alone, but when they are face to face with another fighting fish they will fight to the death. This meant to me that Eli is okay until someone meets his "bonelike resistance" with more of the same. Getting in his face and in his space ignites a special kind of "crazy" in him and he is compelled to fight you to the "death." Normally he is an exceptionally sweet and compassionate, loving and intelligent child. But when he gets angry or hurt, watch out! And if you meet his anger with more anger, someone's going down. It reminds me of Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Nobody wins when anger rules. So what is the answer? When anger is welling up in you against someone, dig deep and find a way to speak softly to the real problem. My Pastor, Pastor Skip Gunn, would say you have to come up and under someone, not up and over them. That means you have to give up your desire to overpower and "win" and instead undergird and support others. Ask them what's wrong and how you can help them. Give them space and time to cool down and do the same for yourself and then address the real heart of the issue. (:

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